What NOT to say to women who are trying to concieve...

Things you should never say to people who have miscarried or are trying to concieve. Things...MANY people have REPEATEDLY told me and Im sick of hearing...

1.Oh I'm sorry. My cousins, sisters, best friends aunt had a miscarriage too! They just had lots of fun and relaxed and now they have 5 kids!

Okay, I'm glad that you know someone along the line who may have had some kind of similar experience that I had. I don't expect you to understand what I'm going through, and I really don't appreciate you telling me "it'll just happen when you relax". Or, that I may have CAUSED my miscarriage from being stressed out. These kind of implications make me feel terrible, guilty, and stress me out MORE.

2. If I was in your situation, I would just adopt.

Are you kidding me? No. No you're not. Okay, yes, adoption is an option. A good one, maybe/ eventually. But, Ive been pregnant before. Not only is it a very unrealistic option right now (for finance reasons) its also an unnecessary option right now. I was just pregnant a month ago. I can get pregnant. Just because I'm having trouble, doesn't mean I'm not going to HAVE children.

3. Oh, heavenly father...why doesn't he understand that we are in charge?

Stop. I understand you are trying to come up with a reason for why YOU think I miscarried and why its taking forever to get pregnant. But you know what? You don't know. Yes, I believe it will happen according to Gods plan. But you know what? Its not fair for you to tell me that kind of thing. Its just painful. So...God did this? Really? Knock that crap off.

4. Oh, I realize you've been having a hard time with fertility. I wont bring Georgy around. I realize it probably hurts your feelings to have her around.

You know what? Having your ugly 3 year old child around doesn't bother me at all. I don't want YOUR baby. I want mine. What bothers me is your condescending comments about how you are somehow better than me because it took you 2 months to get pregnant and how easy it is for you.

5. Oh you just had a miscarriage two days ago and need to talk about it? How hard. My husband and I are thinking about trying again!

This is SERIOUSLY not the time to bring that up.

6. I just don't understand. Why are you making this such a big deal? Its not like its a real baby or anything.

You know what? I don't care what ANYONE says. Losing my baby after being pregnant for 10 weeks is one of the hardest things Ive ever had to go through. Yes, its been 5 weeks since the miscarriage. Yes, I never got to hold my child in my arms. But you know what? That baby was real to me...That baby had a heartbeat. It was alive. It was growing. We have pictures of it. I honestly believe that baby had a soul. I'm not so sure why this so hard for me to get over. But for me, this is the hardest thing Ive ever had to go through. It was a real baby to me. And whether you understand or not, it IS a big deal. And I am ALLOWED to grieve how I need to. And I am entitled to grieve for as long as I need to.

7. You should just get pregnant again. That's the best way to get over it.

Maybe this is the best way for SOME people to get over it. But not for all. I honestly am so heart broken and shaken up, I don't feel ready to try again. I'm scared to try again. I'm scared to lose another baby. Ive done this 2 times now...I don't feel ready, don't push me.

8. You should just do IVF or a surrogate.

I was pregnant without all of those things. Clearly, I can become pregnant if I have been before. Again, don't push me.

9. You need to stop being selfish. Come to the baby shower/the hospital to hold our newborn.

You know what? I just cant. I don't want to embarrass myself, the mother, or other people there by bursting into tears and losing it with my emotions. I am entitled to this little amount of selfishness for a little while. It doesn't make me a drama queen. It doesn't make me strange. It makes me human. Give me that much.

10. You just need to adopt and your body will relax and then you will have a normal pregnancy.

Adoption costs upwards of 15,000$ sometimes. We don't have that kind of money lying around and wont for at least another couple of years. It might be an option some day. But its not an option right now.

11. Why not just settle for loving your nieces and nephews right now?

Because I want my own children. Its not the same and it never will be.

12. Don't worry, you're young. You have plenty of time.

Yeah, imagine how much harder it would be if I were older.

13. Maybe its because you need to have more faith.

The second I got pregnant, I got down on my knees and prayed like crazy that I would be able to carry this baby full term. I prayed every night that everything would be okay. I went to the temple weekly and prayed. I had numerous priesthood blessings. I had faith that god would take care of me. I still have faith that god will take care of me. But you know what? The reason I am not pregnant now, has NOTHING to do with my lack of faith.

14. At least you get to have lots of unprotected sex.

Thank you...Poor you who has to use birth control and got pregnant after one month of being off of it...darn...

Things you CAN say that WILL help...

1.“I’m here for you if you need to talk or ever need anything.”

2.“It’s going to happen, don’t give up hope.”

3.“You’re doing a great job handling everything.”

4.“Just remember: It’s all worth it in the end.”

5.“I’m thinking about you…”

I appreciate that many of my friends and loved ones have been trying to be kind and loving through this time. I realize that many of you do not understand. I understand many people probably think I'm making too big of a deal out of this. But you know what? I am allowed to grieve. I'm allowed to vent about how I feel without reprimand and criticism. Many of you have good intentions but do not understand how deeply you cut when you say things like this. I wanted to be clear about this. I love you all. I appreciate the friends who have been there. I just wanted people to understand that you need to be more careful on what you say during this time. You have no idea how hard it is unless you've gone through it. And I pray you never have to.

Trying to understand

I am so angry right now...People might call me dramatic or too open to be writing something like this. But I need to...On May 11th Nate and I found out we were pregnant. We were sooo happy and excited and wanted this so much...Well, time passed and the Doctor wanted to confirm my pregnancy with a HCG blood test. My numbers were significantly low but okay. That just meant I was early. The numbers doubled from day to day but then something happened and I knew something was wrong. I kept getting weird feelings in my gut and asked for another blood test. The HCG levels went up, but definitely were not doubling. They only went from 375 to 1001 in 7 days...That CAN be fine, but not typically the best sign. So, a week or so afterwards, they had me come in and do an ultrasound. There he was. He even had a heart beat...We were so happy and excited to have a little heart beat. But, the Doctor seemed concerned. He said even though there was a heart beat, it wasnt very strong. So, they wanted me to come in again today a week later...Nate and I sat in the ultrasound lab with the technician and a student technician. After waiting 40 or so minutes for the student technician to figure out where everything was and how to work the machine, they measured my ovaries...how comforting... I kept saying "do you see my baby, do you see my baby, do you see the heart beat"? without a response. Finally, the more experienced technician says "well, we dont see a heart beat, so lets try a vaginal ultrasound". I get ready for the more accurate ultrasound, the technician comes back in. We look around and she tries to find the fetus for a good 30 minutes and she officially confirms that she sees no heart beat. Without remorse, without acting like it was a big deal she prints off a picture and tells us she will give us a moment alone..The baby died...We are very, very sad...and we dont know what to do...I know I didnt tell a lot of you...But I have to feel okay about talking about it...I just had to get that out..I guess, Im just hoping if Im open about it, it wont be as hard and Ill be able to get over it faster...After this crappy experience, Nate and I went to DI and took a page from a friend of ours(Lita) and bought a television and a nine iron. We went up to the hill and I know it sounds crazy....but I really feel that actually helped...People can criticize me for being open with this all they want..But maybe...just maybe...this can help someone else who has been through this and felt they had to be silent...Maybe, even though we are going through grief...we can help someone else...

You're hot, then you're cold. You're yes, then you're no

So, I really need to be comfortable coming out and talking about it or Im going to go nuts. Nate and I have been trying to concieve for 8 months now without success. I was starting to get concerned. Not because of the 8 months, I understand most couples it takes around a year. But a lot of people forget about my past and the whole 3 1/2 years before Nate. So, Ive been worried. I went to the Doctor on month 6, trying to see what I should do next. He told me that he thinks my issue is that I am not consistently ovulating at all and that I needed to be put on some fertility medication. So, I was prescribed Clomid 50mg. I felt great on it at first, but during my time of ovulation, I started to feel really funny. My whole lower belly started to get really big and painful and I didnt understand what was going on. The pain became so great that I went to my Doctor who hooked me up with an ultrasound. As it turned out, the Clomid worked a little TOO well and unfortunately I ended up having a mild form of what is called OHSS (Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome). Basically, I got more than I bargained for an ended up with 6 eggs being released and If these medicines stimulate the ovaries too much, the ovaries can suddenly become very swollen. Fluid can leak into the belly and chest area. And some women end up being hospitalized from it. So, I was instructed to take my temperature daily to make sure infection wasnt happening and take it easy. Finally, I got over that mess, but it also did not work. So, the Doctor prescribed me Femara. Which ironically is a breast cancer drug, but now days it is being used more to make women ovulate. I took it and felt fine, but it makes you have hot flashes(which are WEIRD) and fine, but just more frustrating more than anything. I took the Femara and went in for a follicle check on day 11 of my cycle. No response at all... Least to say, I was not happy. So, he had me take 5 more days of the Femara and then come in again. I went in again today. Either I already ovulated and missed it, or again it did not work. So, now he is talking about possibly having us go to a fertility specialist. He says we can risk just doing Clomid again because we know at least it makes me ovulate. Or I need to go to a specialist for injectables. He also mentioned getting tubes checked and even IUI treatment. Im having a hard time because the only thing I want in my life is to be a mom. The only thing Ive ever done has been caring for children. Daycare, Nanny, teachers aide, after school programs, etc. Its really hard because I love the kids I work with so much. But now I am honestly considering finding a new job. Not seriously. But Ive thought about it. Its really hard dealing with this stress, and then the disappointment. Then, going in the next day to work and love someone elses child that is not your own. I know it sounds silly. But thats whats been up with me lately. Sorry if some of you feel it is TMI. But Nate and I really want to be parents and I just really wanted to talk about it. Getting off soap box now.

Dating Divas

Something has been driving me crazy lately. There is this new site out (or new to me anyway) where women can get wonderful dating advice from these lovely ladies. The website is called "dating divas" www.thedatingdivas.com.
Listen, I understand these ladies mean well, but most of these ideas are not helpful to me in any way shape or form. I think some things on how to improve your looks, health, how to treat your husband, etc. those are great! But these elaborate, colorful, punny, dating ideas...My husband would stand back and smile and nod to be sweet...But inside, he would hate it.
Men like to be romanced. But not in the same way women do! If I were to put together a

Rapunzel themed date


Roaring 20s date


Twilight date night


or something to that effect? My husband would be dying inside...
I was looking over some of the ideas on the site and thought to myself "oh, how cute!". But then I thought I would ask Nate what he thought of them...Nate is the most sensitive, loving, kind, gentle guy on the planet. He's romantic, genuine, and all around awesome. But he's also very honest. He looked at these dating ideas and said to me straight out "honey, please dont do these things for me, I would hate it, and so would most men."
It occured to me that most of these ideas are actually FOR the women, NOT the men.
I think if you are trying to improve your marriage, that is so great!
But you give to each other, not to yourself.
I think that the ideal "date night" for a typical man would be coming home to his favorite meal, his wife in lingere, and watch his favorite movie together. He doesn't care about little colorful pieces of paper. Or the balloons. Or the punny little poems.And he doesn't want to come home to colorful rainbowbrite rapunzel night. Its expensive, its annoying to men. He cares about the effort you put forth. But, some of these ideas are just very girly, and overboard. Im sorry to be critical.
But it made me crazy, and I wanted to express my frustration. I expected a site for ideas that MEN would like. Not that >I< would like...
So, before you go ahead and plan something so pretty, pink, and twilight for your man, ask him what HE thinks. What he HONESTLY thinks about it. See what he says.

I remember the 90s

I stumbled upon someone who did this, and was feeling nostalgic.

I remember my childhood sooo well!I remember the 90's!

I remember when my favorite TV shows were:

Power Rangers


Darkwing Duck


Rugrats


Arthur


Recess


Tiny toons!!


Animaniacs


Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles


Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers!


Ducktales


Captain Planet



Hey Arnold


Fresh Prince of Belair



A simple time when fashion was awesome:

Tattoo choker necklaces


Jellie Shoes


When my mom would do this to my hair...


When a baggy flannel shirt was the only thing I would wear


When Overalls were okay to wear out in public


Slap Bracelets


Sticker earrings


A time when toys were simply awesome and kept us entertained for hours

Pogs


Giga Pets!/Tomagochi/nano pets


When I wanted to save all my pennies to buy Pokemon cards


Skip its!


Slip n' Slides


Super nintendo


Walkmans


Playing "down by the banks"
'

When Red rover was still okay to play at school


Razor scooters


Sky dancers!!!



When all I wanted for Christmas was an easy bake oven


Or an American girl doll


When Polly Pockets were so much cooler!




A time when the only books I would read were

Goosebumps


Animorphs


The babysitters club


When my favorite games were

Mario


Donkey Kong


Street Fighter


Mario Kart


Lets go fishin!


Hungry Hippos



Thin Ice


When Gameboys were amazing


A time when I believed that paper and pencil could tell my future...


A time when my favorite thing to listen to was..

Backstreet boys


The Hansen Brothers


Brittney Spears wasn't insane


And I wanted to grow up to be like Baby spice from the spice girls...


When renting VHS tapes and having popcorn was awesome


A time when Bill Nye was the only thing I paid attention to in school


Or Magic School Bus


And my biggest crush was JTT


When I thought my plastic lunch box was awesome


When Lisa Frank was all over my school supplies


When my favorite candy was

Ring pops


Push Pops


Fruit stripe gum


Bottle pops


Bubble Jug



Squeezits


And I begged my mom to go to Mcdonalds


I remember being afraid that these guys were out to get me..






But also making up pretend games where they actually were :)

I remember waking up in the summers without responsibility.
I remember starting secret "eye spy" clubs and setting up lemonade stands with my best friends Tim, Scotty, Stephen , and Rachelle and Sky.
I also remember getting into fights with them one day, and the next day everything was okay again.
I remember my little brother being my worst enemy. But also my best friend.
I remember when a sleepover meant staying up all night eating candy and playing "truth or dare".
I remember when things were so much more simple.
When I didnt understand the lyrics to spice girls songs.
Before JTT came out of the closet.
When Britney Spears wasn't neccessarily "that innocent", but moreso than now.
When it seemed like being an adult was someone who was 16 years old.
I remember thinking 6th graders were sooo old.
When the worst thing that happened to me was that someone wouldnt let me join in the their game.
I remember not understanding things like death, politics, and religion.
I remember believing without question whatever an adult told me.
I remember my mom trying to get me to do my homework, and thinking it was some form of torture. Instead of understanding that it was actually important...

I remember wanting to grow up...

I miss it. And I regret trying to grow up so fast.
And sometimes I wish I could go back to that simple time when everything was just fun, games, laughing, being silly without worry.
Life is wonderful. I am so blessed. I am so happy. But sometimes, just for a day, I'd like to be a 90's kid again. What was your favorite thing to do as a kid?